Kakashi And Booze, Oh Noes!
by The Hooded Menace
Summary: When Kakashi accepts a challenge from Gai, he doesn't know that it's a drinking contest. Will poor Sakura survive a drunk Kakashi?


I, The Hooded Menace, have created one of the very fun 'Kakashi Is Drunk' fics. Review or face the wrath of an incredibly plastered Gai!

Disclaimer - If I owned Naruto, Sasuke would be dead and we'd have a drunk Kakashi filler episode.

**Kakashi And Booze, Oh Noes!**

Kakashi was incredibly, totally, and utterly bored. A week before, he had been injured on a mission and Tsunade was making him abstain from other missions for a while, just to make sure he healed up right. At first, relaxing sounded good to him – Icha Icha, anyone? – but after reading each book three dozen times in a row, even they ceased to amuse him. So, when Gai came up to him and challenged him to a contest, Kakashi instantly agreed without asking what the competition was.

It turned out to be a drinking competition. The eternal rivals downed barrels of alcohol, more than a normal man could drink in a lifetime, but of course, they were no normal men. It was nearing midnight when the contest ended. By then, crowds of people were watching them, cheering for their favorite ninja or simply hoping that Kakashi would become so drunk that he'd take off his mask. However, this was not to be. The competition was forcibly declared a tie due to the fact that the bar ran out of liquor. This left two incredibly plastered ninjas with absolutely nothing to due, which, in case you didn't figure it out, was not a good combination. Fortunately, the crowd included a couple of their students, Sakura and Lee, who took up the burden of keeping their senseis from destroying everything. Lee's task was much more difficult than Sakura's, as Gai decided to challenge everyone in the bar to fight him, and was rather upset when they refused. Singing tragic songs about lemurs, he drunkenly tried to get past Lee and attack, but was constantly thwarted. In contrast, Kakashi was singing songs that were probably straight from Icha Icha and trying to steal all the shiny objects he could see, which climaxed with him stealing a light bulb from a lamp and being disappointed that it was no longer a source of great shininess. After that, Sakura decided that it would be easier just to drag him back to his home and have him sleep it off. Convincing him to leave, though, was easier said than done. Only after she convinced him that the leprechauns hid a pot of extra-shiny gold under his bed was he willing to go. Stumbling out of the bar, they headed for his home, Sakura supporting most of his weight.

"Sakura is huggggggy," giggled Kakashi after he noticed that she was half-carrying him, "Sakura is a huggy bear blossom! Get it?"

He laughed uproariously at his own joke, which even a five-year-old would find less than amusing. But he was far from being done.

"Sakura has pink hair. You know what that means?" he slurred.

"That it's hereditary?" she replied.

"Nooooooooo, silly head. Pink hair means," his voice dropped to a stage whisper, "That you're a GIRL!"

"You learn something new every day, Sensei."

"And guess what my mommy told me?"

"To always brush your teeth?"  
Kakashi giggled again. "She said that someday I would find a girl and marry her! And since you have pink hair, that means you're a girl and I should marry you!"

Sakura blushed.

"So, since we're getting married, we should pick out the baby names, because I wanna have lots of kids and be a daddy."

By this time, they had reached his door and Sakura nimbly picked the lock, in order not to search everywhere for a spare key. She pushed Kakashi inside, who was busily planning their wedding and honeymoon. Once inside, she led him to his room and told him to go to sleep.

He pouted. "But I can't go to bed now! I haven't picked the paint for our living room!"

Sakura sighed. "Eggshell will be fine. Now get into bed."

"Can you tell me a story?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Okay. There once was a very naughty ninja who refused to go to bed so a big scary monster came and ate him. The end."

"I want a kiss goodnight," Kakashi pled, giving big, irresistible puppy eyes.

Sakura was about to say no, but then thought of a cunning plan.

"Take off your mask and I'll kiss you."  
"Okay!" he said happily, and to her utter astonishment, peeled off the mask and revealed about the most gorgeous face she had ever seen. She stared quite blatantly for a couple minutes until he asked, "Do I get my kiss now?"

With a gleaming smile, Sakura said, "Of course," and leaned down to kiss him. Instantly, he grabbed her and pinned her down with a sizzling kiss, then promptly passed out on top of her. The girl squirmed, but was somehow unable to get out from her position. "_This should be an interesting thing to explain," _she thought, as she finally dozed off to sleep.

In the morning, Kakashi woke up to the worst hangover in his life and the realization that he and Sakura were in a rather compromising position. He quickly moved and awoke her.

"What happened?" he asked, not remembering a thing.

"Oh," Sakura smirked, "You were just deciding how many children you wanted."

Kakashi's eye widened, and without another word, he fainted.

**The End**


End file.
